A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway

This isn't a comprehensive categorization and it might also be a tautology, but perhaps it's still useful or relatable:

In my reading, there are novels that hypothesize about how the world could be, taking a culture you participate in, honing it down to something fundamental, and then showing how that world might run. And then there are novels that take you somewhere independent of your experience.

Hypothetical exploration vs the distillation and clear articulation of what already exists.

Like I said, these two categories very well might overlap in practice as a novel is always something independent of your experience, but also -- if you're an appropriate audience and the writing is any good -- couched in what is, what exists.

Anyway...

A Farewell to Arms, read in 2018, by someone who knows nothing of war and who lives a comfortable life, cloistered in a culture that dismisses the majority of suffering as antique and what's not as impolite, is an effective study of what it is to be a stoic. To be a true stoic, faced with inevitable, personal, and absurd suffering, and to take responsibility for it, regardless. That is Hemingway's character, to me. To contrast that character against the modern day glutton, lazy, and unaffected (i.e. me), is a powerful thing and worthwhile thing to do.

Quit

Social media is a middle school cafeteria.

Political post’s possible outcomes: people who already agree with you nod their head. People who don’t agree with you make themselves known. People gracefully change their minds. With some exceptional charity let’s assume you convince everyone to be on the same page, and we all end up thinking that it’s appropriate for players to (not) stand during the anthem. Then what? Nothing. Superficial problems inspire surface-level solutions. We find something else to fight about or gape at. Keep it rolling, pass the popcorn.

Maybe it’s always been this way. Migrated from radio to television to the internet, it’s not new to say that media is overly dramatized, simplistic, and anecdotal. That’s because it’s for-profit entertainment, not a public service. O'Reilly and Maddow are what the market wants. But now we, the people, are all contributing to the static, we cultivate it without realizing, we enrage it. It’s no longer The Man, but you and I that are doing the damage. In the past we were only ankle high in a sludgy Viacom byproduct, capable of walking away from the boob-tube to a place of shared intention, to Vitamin D, to grandma’s for dinner. Now it’s self inflicted. We’re constantly face down in the gutter, drowning in our own mental dumpster water, hunched over, bloodshot and exhausted, aimless. A break to sleep, then back to being insect-eyed.

Don’t you feel it? This shadow of a thing, relatively new but now uncomfortably familiar, that’s come and snaked it’s way into our lives, constantly lingering, souring and numbing moment after moment. It’s a forcefed awareness of the chaos you can’t affect and a constant distraction from that in which you have actual authority. What a horrible trade. There was a time without this. A time spent alternating between calm, motivating boredom and focus soaked follow-through. Now we restlessly thrash. Instagram fixes boredom about as good as opening the fridge for a second time.

Even talking about social media has become disgusting. It gives me heartburn every time I hear that vulgar, two-word phrase. I wince, embarrassed, prepared to listen to some regurgitated analysis about filter bubbles, fake news, or superficiality. The discussion is played out, soulless. The worst cliche: a wide-eyed pitch for the next dumbest startup.

“We’re going to do Tinder for half Jewish girls from Long Island who also own Honda Accords. I know some HTML. Can you help? Do you mind signing a nondisclosure before we talk more?”

Sure, let me call Mark Cuban and also kill myself real quick.

Facebook and the rest of ‘em are cigarettes without the movie cool or the headrush. They’re cultural cancer. Coincidentally, nowadays we use both outside of bars and after sex. I wonder if that’s significant…

If someone were selling you a two-in-one cactus and mop, would you defend your bleeding hands as the cost of a clean floor? Is the convenience of this personalized information buffet worth what we’re paying for it?

There are other problems with this stuff too, like:

To watch and to play are not the same thing. There’s a difference between observing culture and participating in it.

Why risk getting a beer with the neighbor who gets on your nerves 10% of the time if you’re already up to date on her entire life? Why go to the coffee shop or open mic, or say hello to a stranger on the street if you’ve already got the zeitgeist’s cliffnotes from Reddit or The Drudge Report or your Newsfeed? Why have an opinion at all when gospel is just a Google search away? Think of all the potentially uncomfortable situations and all the wasted time that can be avoided! With a curated social experience on tap, in your pocket, there’s no need to risk it. Sit back and watch, effortlessly. All the more opportunity for work, Netflix, and wondering why you’re awake staring at the ceiling at 3:38 in the morning. But at least I didn’t have to sit through a (potentially) awkward date!

Well, maybe the anxiety felt over these foregone face-to-face moments had a purpose. Maybe it let you know a situation was risky, but also that it had the potential to pay out. Maybe bad and good are what orient us, maybe they’re what prune life from something raw and harsh into something beautiful, into something worth suffering to feel. Instead, now we’ve already seen everything that’s ever been or will be awesome, and so nothing is awesome; and we already know what most people are about before meeting them, and so no one is worth meeting. Or so we believe. Facebook’s mission is to “…bring the world closer together” but all it and the others do is breed cynicism, stereotypes, and shallowness for sake of selling eyeballs to advertisers. These machines make the world less serious, less intense.

Another problem: stories and information are not the same thing. Stories have trajectory, they are conflict followed by resolution. Information is a scalar.

Your mom, high school buddies, college roommates, colleagues, priest, pee-wee soccer coach, pediatrician, bus driver, and exes are now all in the same room, at the same time, all and every day; and they’re yelling their opinions, into the void, all at once, on topics within the range of sports, gun control, birthdays, deaths in the family, American Idol, vaccine efficacy, North Korea, pop music, North Korean pop music, Avon & Tupperware deals, economics, your little cousin’s football games, and the occasional high score on Candy Crush. Fresh, arbitrary information gets thrown on top of this mess daily, and it’s like watching a dozen cats fall into a locked bathroom’s brimming bathtub. Does this stuff belong all together in the same conversation? Is any of this productive? Can this process ever be productive? Can it remain interesting or, more accurately, titillating? Can anyone pull a meaningful story out of this rats’ nest – i.e. fully describe a conflict and then come up with a practical solution, one that can be believed to work? What does a resolution to a wall of contentious information even look like? Trick question…

Or otherwise, on the image oriented apps, we pump up vanity as a virtue. Look at me, tell me I’m pretty, tell me I’m successful, tell me I’m right. I am right, right? Right? The vacation selfie is the contemporary Cadillac in the driveway, the white picket fence, the American Beauty rose bushes: primed, chin raised, saying “my life is going great, thanks for (not) asking”. But it’s lonelier. More disconnected. Back then when you moved in you got a fruit cake from a flesh-and-blood neighbor. Now our greatest moments, big and small, are sugar coated and sold to one another as postcards, shallowly and anonymously confirmed by a double-tap, view count, or smiling emoji. Compare that to thousands of years of evolution-honed body language: a smile in the corner of the eyes, a furrowed brow, a polite laugh or one from the gut. The result is that our collective conscious is starved for depth, blistered and withered as our habit slowly boils on and intensifies, razing everything along the way into a homogeneous binary of GOOD or BAD. You ever wonder why the only popular apps are picture-based or purposefully short videos? Because anything candid or of decent length would show us for what we really are: desperate and shallow and incapable of performing the deep and meaningful.

Or otherwise still, there’s Twitter, which has never been anything but a stupid idea. “We wanted flying cars, instead we got 140 characters.” Email, forums, and AOL chat rooms were all better, but Twitter threw out Paul Rand’s solutions for Web 2.0 iterations. “Move fast and break things.” That’s 21st Century progress.

Critics of the above mention that these new technologies allow us to stay in touch with people when they’re far away or constrained by time. Two points to make: (1) does that have anything to do with what I’ve said here? Does “keeping in touch” mean we have to be vain, shortsighted, and constantly, mindlessly engaged with everyone we know, about every topic that happens to be in fashion that week? And (2) do these tools even do what the they’re claiming: solve the unavoidable problem of being apart from some of the people we care about? Does a lover living an ocean away become easier to deal with now that I can see a picture of her morning croissant while swiping through every other yahoo’s empty publications? Saying you’re close enough because of Facebook is like saying a Hallmark is as good as a hug. 'Get Well Soon’ never got anyone better sooner. Stop making excuses.

Speaking of excuses, I’m guilty in the extreme of every vice listed here. I’m a whiner. Cheap, gallon-jug Cabernet. I’m a whore for online attention. I’ll do anything for a Thumbs Up. I post all kinds of vain nonsense. I meticulously prune photos, mentally weighing all the ways they might be interpreted, how they might benefit my reputation. I’m a sycophant, desperate for celebrity-like recognition and obsessed with plastic. I judge and criticize topics I know nothing about. In other words, this essay is as much reflection as observation…

Here it is in summary: social media is part of an insidious retreat from hot-blooded, nuanced, mutually-lived culture into a cynical, simplified world of information; information that’s doesn’t fit together when looked at as a whole and information that’s cookie-cutter when looked at through any one tunneled lens. We make this sacrifice of soul for simulation in ignorance, walking away with some dopey, voyeuristic well of entertainment, and an abstract awareness of issues outside of our influence and understanding. A video of The Vatican isn’t a trip to Rome. A list of headlines doesn’t replace a book-length argument. Pontificating about Presidential Tweets doesn’t change the world like small-talk with your parents does.

But: we can move on from this decadence back to substance and to depth and to vivid existence; to talking about the great questions of what it is to live, why it is we do it, and to acting out the answers; to having communal, spiritual fulfillment and making actual progress. We went to the moon once. Has that become such a trite example that we can’t take it seriously? People flew through space, for three days, on an over sized tea-kettle, powered by a bomb, controlled by a t1-83 calculator, so that they could walk on an airless grey rock… for the hell of it? To throw shade on the Russians? No. It was to do something literally awesome. Something great. Imagine being Neil Armstrong sitting in that seat on game day. Really. Actually imagine it.

(Don’t keep reading, use your imagination, Christopher Robin. Close your eyes. Come back in 5 minutes. Tomorrow you take off into the unknown wearing a pressurized diaper, helmet, and obviously giant jock strap. What got you to that point? What are you thinking now?)

What kind of social structures – world-wide right down to the family – had to exist, all at once, to produce an opportunity like Apollo 11 and a person willing to take it? These people weren’t crazy, they were heros in a story we were all acting out. We all had our parts. Their effort is what it means to live for something bigger than yourself, and it can be accomplished at all different scales. We can start small, in our individual lives and neighborhoods, and work our way up to the next NASA.

But before we start producing that play, we need to purge the distraction. I’ve filled my head up with so much high contrast, saturation soaked, dopamine driven trivia – my own and others’ – that there’s little room for anything else.

I suggest you and I take a break from social media, together. A group New Year’s Resolution. Sometime between now and midnight January 1st, 2018, delete the apps and turn down the accounts. Leave them off for at least a year. Don’t plan on going back. Let’s see how it feels. To those that don’t often use social media, I say, fair enough. But just 'cause you’re not a barfly, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t stop drinking. This is an appeal to the affected. That doesn’t mean everyone, but that group includes more than just me.

Does your dream of the future include all these screens? Don’t we expect to raise our kids more responsibly than what’s possible in this cesspool? Don’t we want them to read great books before Buzzfeed? To ride bicycles and kiss in the woods, rather than stare at YouTube or its more obscene siblings? Don’t we want that for ourselves? Don’t we imagine maturing past this era? That, at some point, we’ll move on from all this wasted effort?

Isn’t this exodus inevitable?

Shouldn’t it start with us?

Shouldn’t it start now?

Thanks for reading and considering.

Relevant Links

At the Same Time: Essays and Speeches by Susan Sontag

I'm embarrassed by and sorry for parts of what I initially wrote -- left unedited, below -- about At the Same Time.  Mainly, I'm sorry for having insinuated that Susan Sontag was intentionally terse or worse unintentionally terse, and I'm especially sorry for having implied that such a criticism was my, and presumably should be your, main take away from her writing, specifically in the noted collection of essays. What a dumb thing to say on my part. My bad.

What I did say that I think remains correct was that Susan Sontag and her writing belong to an exclusive category of work, a group for which entry to is gated not by snobbish, superficial, circular-framed-glasses wearing sycophants, but rather by the prerequisite passion and subsequent deep involvement in the world of literature. By the end of the book it was obvious to me, admittedly a novice in that world, that the adults were, in fact, having a conversation above my level of maturity. But hey, a kid's gotta learn somehow.

Having done that housekeeping, moving on to a proper reaction: There are so many foundational, universal ideas about culture and ethics and morality in this book. Two essays in specific that floored me with their simultaneous sophistication, relevance, and flow: Literature is Freedom and the title essay At the Same Time: The Novelist and Moral Reasoning.

To summarize simplistically and sloppily in a few sentences: The project of literature is an ongoing, monolithic effort to crystalize, react to, and inspire society; a claim that's couched in the explicit axiom that society is definable and that there are parts of it, of our behavior, of our participation in it that are more important than others. Literature is an attempt at defining that priority, and in doing so becomes a map and an escape both in the narrow, for individuals, from cultural vacuum, into vivid depth; but also in the broad, for the world at large, from disoriented chaos, into order.

Susan goes on to say so much more, starkly connecting different parts of what it is to be a human, to be a point of observation, and doing so with respect for all the various scales of expression that such a phenomenon expresses itself at (e.g. across time, within boundaries of specific space, as individuals, as cultures, as societies). Before her words, at least for me, these ideas seem to haphazardly float around the void of my head.

Thanks to her, and these works, the disparate has become more cohesive.

Original Notes On At the Same Time:

I'm only about 3/4 of the way through this, and will update when I finish, but I wanted to write a few things down while they're still fresh.

Two things two start:

(1) I don't think this is the best entry point to Suzan Sontag's writing, which is hard for me to say given I haven't read anything else of hers, so how would I know? But her reputation is so intense and interesting that I have to believe her other works are comparatively better. I think this, not so much because I've judged this book to be bad, per say; but because, having arbitrarily picked it up in a shop, excited by her name, I only found out afterwards that "At the Same Time" is a somewhat unedited amalgamation of various unrelated speeches and essays. (The subtitle wasn't printed on the spine of my edition.) And also, because some of those essays require a good amount of prerequisite knowledge, like her biographies of various Russian poets and other literary people.

(2) In addition, and this might be a consequence of me only just starting to passionately and frequently, as opposed to begrudgingly, read, as well as me being young -- maybe I'm just too stupid to follow along when the adults in the room are speaking --  but in some of these essays she writes as if the audience is already privy to what she's thinking. The essay, "The Consciousness of Words"  seems to  be a big beautiful tangled spider web of thoughts. Every now and again you can see the larger pattern, and there are some wonderfully elegant ideas scattered about within it. But I can't help but think she's being dense, inelegant on purpose for the sake of getting one more precious, beautiful word on the page. That might be fun, but I don't think it's effective, which is ironic given the thesis of the essay. Maybe that's just a stylistic thing, but personally I feel she could cut more deeply and been more impactful if she stripped down her prose and aimed at something more cohesive.

I also worry that some of her audience might be blinded by a sort of emperor's clothes situation, not understanding what they've read, but sufficiently impressed its architecture to assume the structure is sound and useful.

I'm not done with this book, and I'm certainly not done with Susan Sontag. There's way, way more good than bad in here.

To be continued...

The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion

The most satisfying answer I've read to the title question.

Reading this is looking behind the curtain of life. Maybe that's what all good psychology does? Maybe that is psychology? In any case, The Righteous Mind makes a hell of a good case for why we act the ways we do, and how that then gets articulated as what we call 'politics'.

It gives one of the best arguments I've heard for the divide among the left and the right. Or at least it's part of the story. If it is partial, then its tenants are a big part of that story.

1. Plato said reason rules the heart. Franklin said the head and the heart are a team. Hume said the head follows the heart, justifying it and building a model of the world that suits the passions. Heidt makes a case that Hume was right. Intuition isn't built from reason. Reason tends to follow built-up intuition.

2. Political preference is influenced by various moral interests: Care, Liberty, Authority, Loyalty, Sanctity. The degree to which these are combined in any one person tends to highly correlate with their political "team".

3. Once you're first draft, gene-influence preferences lead you to a political team, your reinforced intuitions lead you to more and more mental cement. And once you're cemented with a perspective within a group, feedback from that group keeps your stuck. Our need to be in a tribe keeps us blind.

This analysis works in both political directions, and it's elaborated in such a mind opening way.


Learn your elephants and love your neighbors.

A Note To Myself

I am evolution and this is just one of my forms.

The Spirit is the chain of evolution, ever better, never ending. The ideal that all which exists results from.

Realized or not, you can think of the idea of a Quality human. That individual represents the best a human can do in making things better, making them persistent and sustainable and harmonious.

What might it look like: imagine we are each one of the wholly spirit centipede’s infinite toes moving it forward. The idea of the best appendage would be one that did its job perfectly such as to move the whole, the entire, everything forward as best as can be done. To sustain the big never ending spirit of evolution. Perfect rhythm. Music. So we aim for that. Or rather, we’re aimed at that. (Chicken and egg, instinct and intention.) But only some of us get close. And maybe some are only somewhat good. But even a somewhat good rhythm can be good and keep the groove alive.

Then there’s that which is outside the spirit and its work: The Medium harboring reality, rules beyond livable comprehension. And reality persists through the above dynamic, within those incomprehensible rules along many levels of abstraction all the way down or up (turtles’ backs or whatever) to that of human consciousness. Us realizing and producing The Good through righteous effort.

To manifest our part of the good, that is our calling. To do otherwise is do dwell in the finite, incoherent, limited confines of the flesh. To be the appendage only, and not the whole; the leg, without the centipede. We are built to persist the whole. The whole has no obligation to us. We are it. We can chose to walk or not. But stagnation is no different than death, and the same for purposelessness.

Be the whole. Not the leg.

And pray to the thing that gives hypotheses to show you what you might do to be a better reflection of The Good and then work to actually do that.

Maybe then you’ll be fulfilled.

Also, floss more.

American Gods by Neil Gaiman

This book was intense and obscure. I feel like there was more to it than I was able to take away.

On one level of things, there's the novel and fantasy aspects of the book. The conflict between this guy Shadow, his world, and the gods and schemes that inhabit it. That part of things is interesting, but it drags and it's a bit simplistic. The whole main plot, with Wednesday recruiting people and his devious plan to cause chaos for his own sake, probably could've been done just as immersively in 50 pages. The intertwining of all these other gods' backstories into that plot can seem arbitrary. The mechanics of why Wednesday's plan work are difficult to follow and can seem inconsistent. Is this a fantasy book or is it philosophy? If the former, then I want a consistent schematic for how the games in the book get played. If the latter, then perhaps a bit more depth as to what is trying to be explained. I feel like the book got stuck in the middle, a bit. That's for me why it gets 3 stars.

But...

The reason the book is really interesting is the more subtle explanation of what belief is and why it's important or rather what it does for the patterns that manifest it: society, individuals, etc. How does belief integrate with reality? Is reality independent of belief?

There are things explained in the book that I feel had a lot more meaning than I was able to extract. This, I think, was more my problem than the book's. It makes me want to go back and try again, as there seems to be something to learn lurking in there. I can feel it.

Glad I read it.

Xenocide by Orson Scott Card

An intense set of ideas, perhaps not entirely scientific but maybe an extremely useful and elegant explanation of what makes humans and their will to do things important.

Felt a little forced into the ender universe, both plot wise and stylistically. If you're looking for a continuation of the adventure of the first book, this isn't it.

Aaron's Epitaph

What do you write about when someone you truly loved dies?

Should you write anything at all?

Do you write about grief? About how experiencing it changes the more you do it and with age? About how, at least for me, it goes from an uninterrupted frustrated inconsolable sadness, stuttering in air between snot and tears and sobs; to more of a pallet of emotions and ideas? A battle over whether the things you’re thinking are appropriate. Whether you’re sad enough. Whether you’re a sociopath for *not* being sad enough. Whether you’re a selfish asshole for thinking that *you’ve* been robbed of future company, forgetting the afflicted has been robbed of future anything, implicitly dismissing those who based their lives on Aaron’s, as opposed to simply riding along side him like I did. Frustrated with yourself for not being able to recall, on demand, all the memories you’ve made with the person, instead having to wait for the muse to torturously make all too infrequent offers. Guilty after any relieving moment of disconnect, distraction, or worst of all pleasure. And yes, completely stop-what-you’re doing overwhelmed; half the time just staring into space, stuck in a purgatory of thought; the other half of the time, swollen and knotted with horrible sadness and anger and pity for those who you know are suffering more than you.

That’s what I’m going through right now.

What’s even more stupid is I’d never talk like this with Aaron. Aaron was someone I didn’t have to or want to get deep or wordy with. We’d endlessly bullshit, because we loved most of the same stuff and went after it the same way. There was less talking about it, more doing it. That’s what we shared. No pretense, never a need to impress or (really) put down. Just planning for the next thing, following through with the current one, or busting balls in between. Reader, don’t think that meant our friendship was shallow. The connection we had through shared passion and execution is without a doubt more intense than most of the others I’ve had.

Aaron was pure and immediate.

Tell me how timing works on a four stroke engine. Boom. Forty five minute conversation. No problem.

Tell me how spray paint works… “Well there’s two different kinds, really. One has alcohol in it to make it dry faster as it evaporates, you know? The other…” (Thanks to Elliott for reminding me of this one.)

Aaron, should I hit this jump? “You won’t!”

Aaron, hit this jump. “Ok”, in his doofy voice.

It’s common to exaggerate in eulogy, but I mean every word of it when I say: Aaron was undeniably a part of my inner circle and past the point of dismissal. The only thing that could’ve ended our friendship did, and so here we are…

He was my freshman roommate, he was my brother, and he was a partner in so many things.

Ski trips, shared meals, conversations about trivia I didn’t want to hear about (but really did) and mountains we both wanted to visit, countless trips: my first time in Canada, driving over the border for some 18-year-old indulgence; my first real music festival, driving down to Tennessee in 2011; my first time skiing out west in Utah; driving that stupidly big rental van up to fields of wild Bison in Colorado, stoned on gummy bears, and then trying to park it in a garage with less than six inches of clearance; riding snowmobiles through 50 miles of Wyoming wilderness; camping at my dad’s place in the Catskills; hiking Giant Mountain in the Adirondacks. The list goes on.

Then there’s the details.

I miss his stupid cars, racing his Subaru against other idiots on the highway, blowing flames out the exhaust, and him teaching me how to drive it. Scaring people in tunnels with his waste-gate, including that one time an off duty cop chewed us out as Aaron nodded and said, “Yes Sir” a dozen times across my lap through the passenger side window. Driving his big banged-up black truck through running rivers, water up past the doors.

I miss the way he never understood sarcasm, until one day where he finally did and thought it was hilarious to defy your expectations and fake you out with a feigned opinion on something.

I miss always asking him how his dog Ted was. “Good. Gettin’ old.” He never rolled his eyes at me, as if he never heard me ask the question or gave me the same answer 100x before.

Everything and everyone was authentic to him, and he reacted as such. In turn it made him the realest person who I knew and whose company I enjoyed. Sometimes you get one or the other. Aaron was the rare exception of both. He never schemed, he was never fake, he loved to live, and we did a lot of that living together.

There’s no way to solve this problem. I’ve got to live with a hole in my heart from this day forward.

There’s a diminished sweetness to things. A note I can’t hear anymore.

I’ve lost a best friend. I’m so glad to have known him.

greatness and fame

greatness and fame.

some people are famous ‘cause they’re great. some people are great, but they’re not famous. others are famous and suck. most are neither famous nor great.

i once was walking down the street in Chelsea, passed a fancy hotel and saw a mob of people screaming at the increasingly shrinking space between the building’s entrance and a black SUV. i asked one of the crowd’s 13 year old lemmings who she was screaming for and why. she told me it was none of my fucking business. guess i’m an asshole. i asked another and she thought it might be some of my fucking business.

it was a vine star.

even now, after googling for “top vine stars”, i can’t pick the name the latter girl told me out of a short list. but i remember watching some of this viner guy’s sub-minute videos and thinking we had digressed into a kind of post-modern, post-sense ocean of noise.

today twitter shut down (the majority of) vine.

a service that promoted the creation and mass publication of shallow ephemeral content, and that helped to nurse an entire audience – perhaps even a sliver of an entire generation – into believing that such dirt was gold, ends up lasting somewhere around three years.

it’s almost poetic. vine was the business equivalent of a vine. a start-up version of a sparkler: a half-assed excuse for a firework, not that either last for very long. a guy can only hope that twitter itself follows.

a day or two ago i posted a video featuring fran lebowitz. “a very discerning audience, an audience with a high level of connoisseurship is as important to the culture as artists [are].” she recollects a time where writers, musicians, and filmmakers defined the culture with their work and wit. now, according to her, they define it with their fame. the harder it is to get famous through a specific craft, the less important the craft is regarded. the easier the acquisition of fame, the better the craft. books are out, ten second videos of people throwing stolen gallon jugs of milk on supermarkets’ floors are in.

so now vine’s gone.

vine didn’t shutdown 'cause it realized it was a disservice, it shutdown 'cause it didn’t make enough money. other corrupting catalysts of mindlessness are out there, but most modern mediums still offer the option of allowing for sincere, subtle, significant content. vine went out of its way to disallow this kind of stuff.

take notice, fellow culture bearers. fads and fame are fun, but too much sugar will rot your teeth. plus it’s boring as hell.

implicitly self-righteous, cynical, cranky, coffee-shop comments aside, there is something questionable about all of this commentary. the above perhaps typical analysis seems to propose that the good is being replaced by the bad. a one-for-one swap. but what if instead it’s that the same amount, or even a growing amount, of good is now being drowned out by a growing faster amount of bad? these two situations are different circumstances with distinct outcomes.

in the former, the good is dying and on its way out. in the latter, the good is growing, just harder to access.

content and the intentions that generate it aren’t changing, but rather the scale at which they’re exposed. dumb people didn’t have a platform. now they do and everyone’s allowed to stand alongside great work. makes it harder to see, harder to find.

the next backroom at max’s is still possible, it’s just not going to get written into the history. it’ll be written into a history. a history that will undoubtedly be dwarfed in appreciation by that of the noise or bieber’s new album or whatever.

and that’s fine, cause even if bieber’s album does well, there’s nothing stopping anyone from participating in scenes that idolize quality rather than kids who don’t know what a germany is.

quality work is out there and it’s thriving. it must be.

jon and i messing around in the rv

i trust in the electronic eye. it sees all things and it knows what’s right.

crackers and carrots, contemplating chain links and emails.

johnny appleseed and john carmack playing tug of war.

scratch away the pornohraphic veneer and see clear for the first time in years.

love shackled behind brass battled doors of technology and habit.

where is george’s tums, he’s got the runs. not fun, not fun.

high dynamic range cyborg organic eyeballs to see fluorescent sunlight with.

the whole fucking planet tastes like perfume. we’re trying to find others. the hubble is looking and the homeless are cooking their brains in space and it tastes like toothpaste.

rusty strings are ringing. we spent the day drinking and singing. rooftops and Asians, gawking and applauding; wind and waves, a burden, a blessing.

perfection depends on the precision of your perception.

significance is out of reach. sample size is too small, but everyone comes to call. 

recreational outrage is the post modern propaganda, stoked to encourage the accidental smothering of crying conversations that might otherwise have grown both parent and child.

artist by charles bukowski

all of a sudden I’m a painter.
a girl from Galveston gives me
$50 for a painting of a man
holding a candycane while
floating in a darkened sky.

than a young man with a black beard
comes over
and I sell him three for $80.
he likes rugged stuff
where I write across the painting –
“shoot shit” or “GRATE ART IS
HORSESHIT, BUY TACOS.”

I can do a painting in 5 minutes.
I use acrylics, paint right out of
the tube.
I do the left side of the painting
first with my left hand and then
finish the right side with my
right hand.

now the man with the black beard
comes back with a friend whose hair
sticks out and they have a young blonde
girl with them.

black beard is still a sucker:
I sell him a hunk of shit –
an orange dog with the word
“DOG” written on his side.

stick-out hair wants 3 paintings
for which I ask $70.
he doesn’t have money.

I keep the paintings but
he promises to send me a
girl named Judy
in garter belt and high heels.
he’s already told her about me:
“a world-renowned writer,” he said
and she said, “oh no!” and pulled
her dress up over her head.
“I want that,” I told him.

then we haggled over terms
I wanted to fuck her first
then get head later.
“how about head first and
fuck later?” he asked

“that doesn’t work,” I
said.

so we agreed:
Judy will come by and
afterwards
I will hand her the
3 paintings.
so there we are:
back to the barter system,
the only way to beat
inflation.

never the less,
I’d like to
start the Men’s Liberation Movement:
I want a woman to hand me 3 of her
paintings after I have
made love to her,
and if she can’t paint
she can leave me
a couple of golden earrings
or maybe a slice of ear
in memory of one who
could.

The Zen of a Shitty Crowd

I recently went to a show with a shitty crowd.

An outdoor venue with people sitting on the floor of the pit, pissed that others could be so rude as to think grooving in front of them was somehow appropriate.

Rage that the rail didn’t have at least five feet of space per person. Disgust that a shoe or two might of been stepped on, or worse that their picnic-blanket-colonization of the limited real estate was being disregarded.

Others leaving during the set, returning with entire cafeteria trays full of chicken fingers and french fries, expecting to eat comfortably in the middle of general admission.

People yelling out requests for hits that had already been played.

Multiple-song-length conversations going on throughout the set. I moved spots several times trying to revive my vibe only to find myself in the middle of another out-of-context over-the-music discussion – topics included past relationships, the quality of the vendor’s solo cup red wine, and how much square footage the current year’s leased apartment contained – broken only to make time for text messages and selfies. The hum-murmur of this noise loud enough to be heard over the monitors and obviously affecting the band’s stoke. Several overheard awkward confrontations where some asked others to stop talking so they could hear what was going on on the stage.

Lulls in energy where there should’ve been appreciative woots and excitement.

Woots and whistles where there should have been intimacy and awe.

If someone would’ve heckled “Free Bird” I might have died of perfect embarrassment right then and there.

My default is to brood. Every next piece of concert etiquette broken further justifying the “are you fucking kidding me?” I kept silently repeating to myself. Eyes furrowed, jaw slack in reaction to so many things so consistently and simultaneously messed up. Going down long trails of thought condemning the entirety of New York City as a place whose time has past if this was the best it has to offer a great performer. And my sister, whose thoughts were infected with the same observations, rolling her eyes in agreement next to me, encouraging the whole roast as I continue to imagine the band walking off stage a la Jack White, Radio City, 2012.

Fuck these people, right?

Wrong.

Stupid me. Crying over spilt milk. Sitting in traffic, screaming at the steering wheel. Angry with the rain.

Someone once said, ‘if you think someone’s an asshole, they’re probably an asshole; if you think everyone’s an asshole, you’re probably an asshole’. But I don’t think I was cranky, and other people were bummed out by the same things I was. So it’s a combination. What to do, what to do? (Spend my hard earned money on you, so I will…)

Best thing to do is meditate. Thoughts come and go, uncontrolled. Reaction to those thoughts is the definition of self-control. In front of me there’s music and there’s distraction from that music. Seems wasteful to purposefully indulge the distraction. Time to attempt focus. The main hurdle is the knowledge that shows are so often so good. Going to a show is a sunny BBQ. Sometimes there’s your favorite food, sometimes George burns the chicken, but fishing is better than working. That’s why concert critics and reviews are useless. Imagine if someone reviewed your wedding. “The toast was good, but the cake was flat and lacked energy”. What the hell are you talking about, man? Anyway…

I close my eyes and start putting in the work. Hips moving, frustration fading. It’s effective. It’s not perfect. Clouds of judgment keep blocking my view. But as I practice they pass more frequently and stay out of sight for longer.

Out of nowhere my dad emerges through the clothes rack of people behind us, puts his arm around my neck, and proclaims he has a newfound respect for the singer, comparing his style to staple influences (e.g. Allman Bros, Pink Floyd, and Neil Young). A sommelier of music describing the hints, notes, fragrances of the show in front of him. Brick wall of contrast to my own bitterness. Irony. It’s great.


I try to get a setlist afterward and the army of roadies striking the stage straight up ignore me for minutes. Oh well. We buy some water bottles and leave, cursing them and laughing at ourselves.

A Daydream

We kiss and our teeth clink and smash and disintegrate into each other,
collecting below our floating heads in a pile of shared dust.

We walk over this newfound sand, hand in hand.
Eternal desert, endless horizon, two androgynous silhouettes,
without nipples or genitals or mouths,
pursuing the sun on the surface of mars.

I sniff you into me, and your hair is pasta, my mind melted butter.
A good dish, like a big broken-in leather arm chair
in front of a dusty, ray-laden, library window.

Night time and it’s time for the skeletons to dance,
clinking like wooden wind chimes, all high pitched and rain-like.

A waterfall, two feet tall, washes it all away, and the pine trees
wave goodbye as I float by, ready for another serving of now and gravy.

(Untitled)

Beerful and joyful, swaying to live music, dizzy and dimpled.
I open my eyes, and I where’s-waldo you on the same side of a small basement stage.

I’ve seen you before, but only ever as a patron, never as a companion.
Do you wanna be friends?

Do you wanna dance with me and sing with me and remember that, just because you do this vocationally, doesn’t mean you can’t also do it professionally, confessionally, like me, for free.

Ha! Who am I to doubt! Your authenticity was never in jeapordy. You’re a genuine woman, and one who appreciates Neil Young enough to play him, and – let me tell you – that really get’s me going…

So I put my arm around you and say your name, and your dimples are bigger than mine, and I know it’s all gonna be fine, and we swayed together, and you offered your name, and we talked, but what we said didn’t matter, cause I got to look into your eyes and you into mine, and I saw into that mutual moment we both came from.

I stripped myself of my own perverted perceptions of celebrity, and got to talk to you, lady; and that’s special, it’s exceptional, cause while characters are ubiquitous and heroic, authors are elusive and human; those are the people who I’m interested in.

Now I’m laughing, and the music is bathing us, and I wish I would’ve stayed longer, because while your impression has long since been imparted, I’d need time to reciprocate. Being bashful, instead I departed, back to my sister, back to our crowd, back to being dizzy and dimpled. You smiled.

A brief moment shared, and I won’t linger; there’s plenty to do, and see, but that won’t stop me from writing down the memory, or from loving you, lady; and I know you don’t know me, but I dig what you’ve shown me.

You’ll see me again.

Wonderful night.

(Untitled)

Am I tripping or am I oppressed?

Are my desperations the ephemeral result of a missed cup of coffee or are they the bedrock conclusion following a hollow narrative?

Are my motivations arrested by the contents of my schedule or stifled by its arrangement?

What am I missing and where should I be looking for it?

Am I a coward? Or an idiot? Or am I just temporarily tired?

Am I investing? Or am I squandering, supported by superficial status-quo canon?

Am I cranky or am I lucid?

The Magician King (The Magicians, #2) by Lev Grossman

After having read the first two books, I'm frustrated; and having invested my time, I feel I've earned the right to rant a bit.

The series began well. It's established a pursuit-worthy concept: strip away some of the juvenile aspects of a typical magic-on-earth type setting, and see how someone might actually, practically come to terms with it.

It doesn't build its own universe so much as add on to reality.

Relationships exist through believable circumstances. There was no caricatured connections, like say, The Durselys in Harry potter. It was relatable. The main character, Quentin's, emptiness and thirst for fulfillment is something I understood and related to. The rote, competitive, near-addiction to "the next thing", the realization of its subsequent emptiness, and the existential despair that follows. That search for something meaningful, satisfied not by some Buddhist enlightenment, but by a tangible force in the world; the discovery of magic, and the hope that comes with it.

But the more I progressed, the more I kept rolling my eyes. The stories felt forced, immature, and inconsistent.

First Quentin is an introvert, obsessed with his own academic competitive nature, obsessed with the same girl -- without any reciprocation, obsessed with Fillory and its storybook nature . Then he falls in love with an even more extreme version of himself, Alice, a good sign that he's going to explore some kind of relationship, and perhaps mature from it.

Then he graduates and decides to start doing coke and ecstasy. What kind of a jump is that? The character could've gone from A to B, but there wasn't any real development in between.

Quentin can run naked 500 miles, to the south pole; but he can't follow Ember up a hill without panting.

Quentin has the diligence and self control to practice rote spells for tens of hours in near solitary confinement, in the pursuit of fulfillment, but he doesn't have self-control to resist the drunken temptation of sex with Julia.

Quentin comes to terms with his mistake, and looks for a way to atone; but then becomes inconsolably rageful when he finds out Alice slept with Penny.

Quentin and gang are pragmatic enough to participate in the grueling work of Brakebills, focusing on the fundamental nature of spells, but still provide us with ridiculous situations of dramatic irony. Should I walk through this arbitrary portal I found in the middle of nowhere? What could go wrong?

Further, it seemed to me that references and jokes were thrown in arbitrarily, meant to satisfy some goal of keeping the magic world relevant. Random Pink Floyd reference, random sex, random this, random that. Look guys, I'm cool and this story is so hip!

I realize this is staggered. Sorry for being lazy, and not formatting it better.

(Untitled)

Faces frozen having forgotten themselves in the blinding sound, a flow born somewhere outside of time and momentarily mastered by a fellow patron of the elusive perfection.

A Place

Feet buried inches under hot sand; ass planted on a reclined beach-chair, slipping between watching the waves and sleeping; the sepia of dark glasses or the bright black back of your eyelids; optional towel over your head, accommodating if you’ve had too much sun or want to sneak a peak at a neighboring surf-bum’s bathing-suit; cold fruit from an ice-filled cooler; slightly salty lips; the refreshing relief of the right drink; and the pleasure of knowing you have nowhere to be for hours, if not days.

Soon…

Some Swiss Haiku

Lying on the shag.
Glass of wine rests next to me.
Music is playing.

Slippery wood floor.
Not quite Spanish music on.
Dance with family.

Wearing the day’s socks.
My feet are getting too hot.
I take my socks off.

Wine, cheese, chocolate.
Chili-con-carne and rice.
Discussing color.

Counting syllables.
Waiting for crepes to finish.
Clouds out the window.

A Poem After Some Wine

I have escaped the matrix and am here to show you the way of past misfortune and current wisdom. Let’s have some fun, for the sake of all that is good and great and good. Trust in the banjo and banter. Revel in the bliss of bluegrass and the banquet of breath and breadth and burden, too. Why not?! WHY NOT, GHAD DAMN IT!? It’s good for you. Take your medicine, you spoiled blood-line of mine. Good times. Good times. Long live The Beatles.

Something From the Journal

A sweet sadness.
Disappointment, not despair.
A realized risk reminding you that the game is real,
and that there’s something substantial on the table.

A proper bet.
A contrast for both future and past accomplishment.

Escapes and excuses avoided for fear of dulling a deserved pain;
a pain that you need to periodically participate in.
A practice that defines priority and provides perspective.

A reminder to be modest, to know pride’s pitfalls.

Embrace it, live in it, then move on.

Re: Humans Need Not Apply

In response to the video titled, Humans Need Not Apply, originally posted as a comment in an online conversation with a friend:

A few things come to mind whenever I hear these kind of points being made. Most of them are abstract day dreams with a lot of hand waving and unsubstantiated assumptions, but they’re fun to talk about none the less, so here it goes:

Economies deal with the systems for distributing and producing goods and services, right? We work to get money which we exchange for other things. Prior to currency we’d trade. And prior to trade we did things for ourselves.

I live in a cabin I built myself, wearing clothes I made, eating food I’ve hunted and grown, and when I get sick I deal with it.

But… it might be easier if i just did all the farming and had Jan do all the hunting, and Jim do all the sewing, and then we could trade.

But… holding all these apples while I wait for Joe is difficult, and Jim has got to eat in the meantime while he’s sewing my pants, so I’ll give Joe an IOU for apples in exchange for some meat and take an IOU for pants from Jim in exchange for some apples. Wait a minute. Why don’t I just give Jim the IOU for the meat. He likes meat anyway. That would be fair, right?

So turns out these IOUs are pretty easy to carry and exchange, so I might as well print a standard IOU, call it the dollar, and have everyone use them.

Oh, all these IOUs I’ve saved under my bed aren’t really doing anything now, and I already have enough pants and apples, so I’ll lend my IOUs to the well-digger, Jill, so she can buy uniforms and food for her well-digging crew, and then later give me some of her well-digging profits.

Oh wait, what if we started a business where we collected peoples extra cash and lent it to other people to do productive things? We could collect interest on the loans and provide interest on the deposits, take a cut and, as long as everyone doesn’t want their money back at the same time, make the world a better place by empowering projects.

…and so economies came to be. But the common thread throughout the entire evolution of it all has been scarcity. It was hard to hunt, hard to grow apples, hard to sew, hard to stay healthy, hard to dig wells, etc. And when things are hard to do, you do something hard too, so that you’ll have a few IOUs to play the game with. Supply and demand, 101.

Given all that, any sort of threat to your ability to do something hard or produce something scarce – i.e. anything that takes away jobs – is bad. Technology is going to do just that, and there will be tons of people who will lose their jobs, so it must be bad right? No. Because technology also makes the marginal cost of the things it affects go down to zero. It removes scarcity from the equation.

If I have a robot that can build a self driving car using cheap synthesized materials that it harvests itself and energy it collects itself from some super efficient energy source that lasts forever, and say further that there were enough of said robots to provide everyone in the world with a car, then the cost of a car is nothing. No one has to do any work to get any of the stuff needed to build or distribute them. And so all the jobs that this robot has displaced are offset by the fact that people no longer have to spend money on cars, ever. And all of those technologies are coming, so it’s not a matter of if but a matter of when.

What if we had these robots for farming, hunting, health-care, etc.? Would we need jobs? Obviously this is a generic argument with a lot of assumptions on the specifics of what up-and-coming technology has to offer, but most of what I’ve mentioned above has been prototyped.

For example, Google is getting increasingly better at having software drive cars; Tesla, at building energy efficient cars; Lockheed Martin, at making fission work at scale, and thus making energy negligibly cheap. IBM’s Watson is diagnosing diseases better than doctors. Etc.

The issue I see is in the transition not the technology. The problem is people investing in TECHNOLOGY X (e.g., robots that build cars) get to play the game by the pre-technology set of rules. They can manifest scarcity by claiming the technology they build proprietary – which makes sense in a world of scarce resources, because it inspires productivity, thus the copyright clause in the constitution. But in a hypothetical world where resources are cheap and innovation costs less than ever, these monopolies simply affords the people with capital the ability to manipulate supply and influence markets. And so in the short term you have a situation where Mark Zuckerberg and Ellon Musk are billionaires, and we still have 15% unemployment. 

Long story short, the issue is in our antiquated idea of ownership, as well as wealth distribution, in response to an unprecedented level of access and grow; and further, the leverage it allows for, not technology.

Digression: as far as I understand, the above is the premise behind the proposals for a living wage (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Living_wage). Give people enough money to get by (which is trivially easy if the stuff to get by starts approaching cost-zero), and let economics as we know them today, concern creative work.